The Perk They Could Never Promise

When travel nursing recruiters begin to recite the list of perks associated with traveling there is one they can't offer - it's one that is far more valuable than many of the standard perks. It's a perk that didn't factor into my initial decision to travel - or to do so in Tennessee for now. One of the best perks that I've been able to enjoy is being able to meet someone I've known for five years or more but have yet to see her face-t0-face - until February 17th.

Starting out in the pre-dawn hours so that I could arrive mid-morning, I was filled with anticipation of the visit. Heading out of Kingsport, I was in awe of the sunrise that was unfolding in front of me. So much so that I had to stop to capture it. It was, I decided, a glimpse at the beauty to come during the weekend I was about to share with Mary Jo.

As I neared the end of my four hour drive to Virginia, I was amazed to find that Mother Nature had duplicated a scene that I had seen far too many times in the past few years down in Hurricane Alley. The area had been hit with a powerful snow and ice storm just days before. As I drove along the Interstate, I noticed that trees and roadside cliffs had been spared any sign of damage on their southern facing sides. But the northern facing sides of the trees were clad in thick ice causing the trees to bend and in some cases snap under the weight. The once sturdy trees were now listing to one side - bent over from the impact of the wind and the weight of the ice. This image was the cold version of what the wind and salt water of hurricanes do to trees in its path.

With Valentine's Day ice still coating the fields and roadsides of the Interstate I felt as though I had truly entered a winter wonderland. Afterall, wasn't it only a blog post or two ago that I said I was waiting to experience 'real winter' here in Tennessee? Well... I found it first in Virginia and then in Tennessee upon my return. (The ride back was not a pleasant and sunny one; windy conditions and snow blowing sideways made for a much more difficult drive at the end of the visit)

Mary Jo and I have shared stories for several years now. We write our stories every month and post them to the Story Circle Network's Internet Chapter e-circle #5. There is even a story about this small weeping willow tree planted on Mary Jo's property. Fifty or sixty stories later, we felt as though we knew one another quite well... So well that upon arrival, we immediately struck up a conversation as if we'd talked just a few minutes ago. We spent the weekend telling new stories, elaborating on the stories we posted to the circle in the past, encouraging one another to "write that book" and reveling in the incredible comfort of being with someone who shares common threads in life.

The weekend visit was one to be savored for days and weeks to come. And that is just what I have been doing for a little over a week now. For much of that time, I have gazed at the photos I snapped and recalled the wonder of the visit and the artisitic footnotes of Mother Nature. But now, it is time to share the visit and the photos with my other readers... And go back to the challenge to "write that book" !

You CAN Go Home Again!

They say "you can't go home again" but what do "they" know? This past weekend proved that not only can I go home, but I can have fun doing so! The trick, I've discovered, is to know when to leave again.

I didn't recall any of the people my mother was sure I did remember! "Oh surely you remember so-&-so! They went to school with you" She must have said that - or something quite similar to that - a dozen times at least this weekend! And the truth of the matter is that I don't ... remember that is... No matter how hard I try.

But, what I did remember were places from my childhood days. The names and faces of people have faded from my memory long ago but some of the places are etched in my memory forever. Even as I drove into town on Friday evening I knew that I was "sort of lost but not really" -- I say that because I wasn't sure how to get from where I was to my parents' house (which is not the home I grew up in). But, I did know that I knew where I was. The intersections looked the same. The storefronts have changed ownership but I recognized them as being a 5-&-dime store or a bakery or the old post office... all places that live large in my memory.

Even though it is no longer an operational bakery, as I drove over the bridge beside the old red brick building, I could smell the essence of freshly baking bread. And more than that, without even closing my eyes, I could see a younger version of myself walking across that bridge with a younger version of my mother. You see, my Gramm lived above the old post office (also no longer operational) just around the corner from the bakery. I could have walked that route with my eyes closed even now, after all these years.

Driving down the main street of the town I called home as a child, I was amazed to see just how many places still look the same. Some are in various states of disrepair while others have taken on new personalities to fit their new owners. But there were more than a few that allowed me to take a mental stroll back in time. Childhood laughter and carefree days live along those sidewalks whose cracks boast the fact that they've been there a very long time. If only in the memory of those who, like me, return not often enough to still feel at home and yet often enough to always feel as if we have come home.

Nothing conjured up memories as much as the drive my parents and I took on Saturday afternoon. Driving into the New Cumberland Borough Park was a profoundly moving experience. If I closed my eyes tight enough perhaps we'd be driving in the old black Ford sedan instead of the sleek new Impala Daddy now drives. And, in closing my eyes, maybe I'd be joined there in the back seat by three other kids who each knew that the one next to them had crossed the imaginary lines that helped to create the seating pattern of four to a seat.

Daddy was going to just drive around the park to show me the improvements that have been made to the place. But, it only took one request from me and he parked the car and we got out.

Standing next to the old dam that I feared so terribly as a child, I was awestruck at the wonders of Mother Nature. As a child, I only saw the river and its dam as a place of foreboding and danger. As an adult, I saw a river partially frozen - intricate ice patterns occasionally broken up by narrow trickles of water.

In the quiet of the afternoon, I expected to hear the water's roar as it plunged over the side of the dam. But, instead, there was a delicate sound of falling water. At first I wasn't sure why the water seemed so much more gentle than it had as a child. Perhaps, I thought it was all in the perception of things. But, when I got to the dam's edge, I realized why the sound was not nearly as powerful as I had remembered: Three quarters of the dam was covered in a thick blanket of ice -- gallons and gallons of water that had attempted to come rushing over the falls had, instead, become frozen in time. At the far opposite end of the dam there was a small portion of the river that still flowed over the dam and out into the larger Susquehanna River. But there in the Borough Park, most of the dam offered me an exquisite site - one too beautiful for words (too beautiful and impressive for pictures. But I did find it necessary to try to capture the image).

As I stood by that dam and its frozen waterfall, I realized that I could, indeed go home again...I could have some new experiences. I could relive some childhood memories. I could bask in the warmth of family love. And I could find new fodder for my writing -- new from the old... new from the amazing influence 'place' has on us.

Yes, I can go home again. But, I also can leave with a renewed appreciation for what once was, what is and what can be - both in my hometown and in my writings from the heart.

Finding Warmth

This past weekend was to have been a weekend shared with my sweet Caleb...
But, alas, this was not to happen. I had a message waiting for me on Thursday - his step-mom called to say that he was being kept home because he hadn't behaved well during the week. To say that I was disappointed would be a huge understatement. To admit that I spent hours crying about the lost opportunity and sobbing about the aching hole in my heart that is Caleb's absence from my life these days... well, that would be more like it.

Not sure what to do with a three day weekend that had succombed to that age old "best laid plans" theory, Friday morning found me just as melancholy as I had been on Thursday evening. Feeling more than a little out of sorts about the whole thing, it was difficult for me to see past this change in plans. But, bless her heart, my daughter Mandy had just the right solution to my now empty three day weekend.

By 10:30 a.m. I found myself on I-81 heading north - North to Pennsylvania. North to visit my parents, sister and sister's family. I had been meaning to get around to doing just that for some time now. Mandy knew that. "Mom, why don't you just do it!" she suggested, sounding very much like a Nike commercial. And so, "do it" I did! And I am so very glad!

The drive from here to there is a full 8 hours of driving but it is all on I-81 so it is not a difficult trip. Just a lonely one to make all by one's self. But, I did it. The queen of planning ahead did something impromptu! A rather big impromptu undertaking!

In Pennsylvania, I found winter - the kind of winter that I am still awaiting here in Tennessee. Snow and ice on sidewalk edges. Grass peeking through the bits of white on the ground. Stingingly cold days and howling winds at night... But, amid all of the cold that is winter, I found warmth like none I'd experienced in a long time... the warmth of family.

It had been about 10 months since I last saw my parents and two years since Lisa and I were together last. Her very active five children were very excited to visit with Aunt Lee. Aunt Lee was very excited to visit with them too!

Without my knowing it, Lisa called my oldest brother, Thom (three years younger than I) and invited him to drive up from New Jersey while I was there. He was only too willing to oblige. It had been, afterall, 23 years since he and I had seen one another!! We've talked on the phone and visited with the help of e-mails but to actually SEE one another, it had been a very long time -- too long.

The time spent with Thom, Lisa and her family, and my parents was probably one of the best weekends I have had in quite some time. Conversation around a kitchen table never felt so welcomed ... so warm. Hugs never felt so sincere between us. The gift of family is indeed a precious one. In my family's home, I found warmth in winter -- enough warmth to carry me back to Tennessee with less of a heart ache for the lost time with Caleb and much joy for time spent with others in my family.



Mom, Daddy and Me (in the middle)
02-11-2007
Camp Hill, Pennsylvania

Music in Black & White

When I moved from Florida, I swore I'd never leave my music behind. But in the end, I had to leave my sound system and the hundreds of CD's that shuffled their way through my life on a daily basis. We just ran out of room in the car...it was take the sound system or take the cats... Guess I don't need to tell you which won, do I?

I thought I'd be okay without it. I had a handful of CD's in the car and a small alarm clock with a CD player on it. But, it just wasn't the same as hitting the "ON" button and having a day of endless music. Tim and Mandy both offered to pack up the system and the CD's but I was afraid they'd be broken or lost in transit so I declined. (All the while pining away for "my music")

Since moving here in September, Tim has only been up to visit a couple of times. He was here shortly before Thanksgiving and then again in January. Christmas came and went with not so much as a card let alone a gift - but that has been par for the course from him in the past few years so I was not surprised... Alright, I admit I was more than a little disappointed.

But, little did I know that he was bringing a surprise with him on the January visit. That said, I'll bet you think the surprise was my sound system and CD's, don't you? Wrong! He flew this time so there was no way he could bring all that.

Not in the door more than five minutes and hurrying to open his suitcase, Tim announced he had something he wanted me to see. I never dreamed it would be a gift of any sort - and especially one that would bring such joy! Handing me a small black box and a smaller white box, he stood back and watched.

I opened the black box first and had absolutely no clue what it was... I could tell this tickled him to no end. He had me guessing and he loved every minute of it. After opening the smaller white box, I recognized it and concluded that the black box must have something to do with the contents of the white box.

He had given me the gift of music - one that I could make "mine all mine" just as those CD's in the shuffler at the condo in Naples were. The small white box held an iPod (not that I had ever given one more than a passing glance). The black box was, in fact, a sound system for the iPod should one want to play it indoors. Should one want to play it indoors? Of course one (well, THIS ONE) wants to play it indoors!

And so, after more than four months without 'my music' I am finally able to enjoy it once again. Using the iPod gift card that was tucked in the black box, I have loaded many selections onto this amazing little gizmo that packs a wallop of a stereo sound. My days and nights are filled with 'my music' - the music that relaxes me, the music that stirs my creative energies, the music that makes home sound like home...the music that serenades me as I write this...


.......... Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
~ Berthold Auerbach

Mandatory Overtime ?

I really am still here although the lack of recent posts might lead one to believe otherwise. I cannot believe that the holidays have gone and the first month of 2007 is history and I didn't get one single post up on the blog. And why no posts? The short answer is WORK!

Ah, yes, I know what you're thinking... "But she took this job to have more time to play/create/take care of herself and less time for work!" You'd be absolutely correct if you thought that. Somewhere between December 14th's post and last week, the bottom fell out of that safety net. Mandatory imposed overtime to the tune of 50-60 hrs per week instead of the contracted 36 per week can be a real creativity killer! It doesn't do much for the soul either.

But, now that the February schedule is in place there is no more overtime - mandatory or otherwise. There was never supposed to be in the first place. I am, afterall, not the hospital's employee but rather an employee of the travel agency who signed a contract with the hospital. The staffing issues at the hospital are not going to go away - whether I work extra or not... But, my own energies and creative desires certainly took a holiday while I was working unreasonable schedules.

So, now you all are wondering what's going on in my life... maybe...

First and foremost, I am still in Tennessee. The second 13 week contract is at the halfway mark. We know (my recruiter and I) that there is no way I am staying here any longer. And we have been trying to find a possible 'good fit' for me in Arizona... they have plenty of jobs in Arizona but not necessarily in the place that I want to be (doesn't that have a familiar ring to it?) The goal is to get as close to a little place called Green Valley as possible. That is where my dear friend and sister of the soul, AnnMarie lives and SHE is the reason I am wanting to go to Arizona in the first place. The closest city to Green Valley is Tucson. Right now, there are no openings in Tucson and the closest my recruiter can get me is 90-some miles from there.

I know all about those 90-some miles for that is the same distance I am from Caleb. It doesn't seem impossible but it isn't necessarily ideal either. I know from experience that if the work schedule gets difficult, the thought of three hours of drive time to spend a couple of hours visiting becomes more than I care to deal with. So, for now, I am keeping my eyes on Tucson and its surrounding area and hoping that my recruiter will have the perfect job for me there!

The overtime put some real kinks in time with Caleb. That is the biggest sore spot about the whole mandatory overtime fiasco. I have seen him a few times but not for the blocks of time I had hoped over the holidays, etc. Before you go getting too concerned, he and I did get to spend three wonderful days together the week before Christmas - at which time we celebrated our Christmas since I was slated to work both the Christmas Eve & Day as well as the New Year's Eve and Day shifts. And we've had some great "dates"! We would go out to a matinee and lunch or do something fun together and then I'd turn around and drive back so that I could be at work the next day.

With a "normal" work schedule in place, (does anyone really know the meaning of the word 'normal'?) I am beginning to find time and energy to do some writing and altered book art. And I have plans to pick up Caleb when he gets home from school on Friday! We are not going on a date! We are coming back to my place for the whole weekend! I can't wait!

I am still relishing the fact that I am living someplace other than the land of perpetual summer. Contrary to what my family thought, I am not freezing my **** off! And I am not hibernating! Instead, I am living each day in awe of the way Mother Nature moves with unassuming grace here in these mountains. And I am STILL waiting for it to snow!!