Nature's Playground

I wanted to sleep in this morning. It's a rare treat to do that! But, I have some mischievous critters who live in my back yard who didn't think that sleeping in was an option. SQUIRRELS! There is a family of about six or seven of the little rodents who are so adorable that it is difficult to be upset with them.

Because the weather has been so nice and because I love fresh air (as opposed to air conditioning) I have had the windows open round the clock. Turning over early this morning, my sleepy self was aware that the sun had come up and that the birds were chirping. But I thought I could get another hour of sleep...

And I did manage to drift back to sleep but not for long! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!

"What on earth...?" I wondered.

CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!

Again I wondered about the strange sound - an almost rhythmic sound - that was wafting in the window.

My curiosity got the better of me. Besides, I was now wide awake and all hopes of sleeping in this morning were gone. After setting the coffee pot to brew, I opened the sliders which look out onto the back yard only to discover that the clanking noise was the sound of squirrels enjoying a picnic in nature's playground.

Last fall I had placed a squirrel feeder on a distant tree and on another tree, I hung a cob holder. All winter long I have diligently kept the feeder and the cob holder well stocked. Now that spring is here, I continue to feed the squirrels so that they do not venture up to the porch and scare away the birds who find their dining pleasure near the back door.

(here's a picture of Caleb feeding the squirrels on a visit a few weeks ago)

Squirrels are solitary diners. Apparently they do not enjoy the company of others or squirrel-conversation while dining. But this family of squirrels manage to be playful and polite -- all the while being quite entertaining for me (and my kitties Callee and Maggie).

At first glance, there were no squirrels in sight... and the source of the clank was nowhere to be seen. But, after a few minutes of gazing out into the yard, slowly and deliberately the lid of the feeder opened and out popped the head of one of the squirrels. He leaned over the edge, the lower half of his body still in the feeder. With his little paws out over the edge he proceeded to remove the shell from a peanut and lean into his paws to pop it into his mouth. After a few quick chews he disappeared back into the feeder and the lid clanked shut.

(these squirrels are a bit camera shy so the pictures are taken through the slider screen and hence a bit grainy but if you look closely you can see him right there in the middle of the feeder with the lid resting on his head)

This went on for a few minutes. Then, in a playful game of "gotcha" two of the squirrel brothers decided that this one had had enough and it was their turn! One scurried up the tree and approached from the right side of the feeder while the other scrambled down the left side of the tree from a branch above. As the two headed directly toward the feeder, their hungry brother popped his head out of the feeder as he had done so many times before. But, upon seeing the other two, he bolted out and up the tree.

I watched him make his way out onto the tip of a long tree limb where he seemed to blow in the breeze right along with the wispy branches. And then I turned my attention to the other two. One was no where to be found while the other decided that enough goodies had been tossed overboard that he could sit comfortably in the shade of the tree and feast without all of that clanking.

Sipping on coffee I found myself highly entertained by the shenanigans of the squirrel family and once again in awe of nature's ways.

Harbingers of Springtime in TN

It's beginning to really look and feel like springtime here in northeastern Tennessee. And what a delight it is to watch spring breeze into this area! Just as I watched the subtle changes from week to week as autumn graced the mountains, I am able to watch equally subtle changes that are the harbingers of springtime. And, just as in autumn, it seems as though suddenly, out of the clear blue, the changes take on a more impressive presence - they shout "Look at me!" No longer subtle, they demand my attention. They are undeniably beautiful, incredible works of art compliments of Mother Nature.

Two weeks ago I sat in my livingroom and watched snow flurries. Last Sunday I saw signs of spring but still much of the landscape was bare, brown, and lifeless in its appearance. This Sunday is quite different! All week long it has been gloriously warm and breezy. Temperatures are delightful. Humidity is absent. (What a delight after perpetual summer and the accompanying humidity of southwest Florida for so many years.)

As I left work each evening this past week I couldn't help but notice the fact that it no longer felt like winter.

And, as I headed out the door the next morning to go to work, I was greeted by the birds who have returned and are only too happy to offer up a morning song for all to hear.

No longer brown and bare, the landscape here in Kingsport is a potpourri of pastel colors. Spring is definitely alive and well in this part of the world!

The Reading Lists

After several weeks of silence, I finally returned to Blogger today. And I decided that my blog could use a little face lift ... I hope you like the new additions to the blog page. Check out the two new elements I've added: "Current Reads" is where you can see a list of the books I have read this month or am currently reading. "Recommended Reading List" is just what it says: a list of books that I have read and in many cases, re-read more than a few times. I highly recommend them to anyone who is looking for a "good read."

Curl up with a good book -- you'll be glad that you did! And, if you have any recommendations for me, I am always searching for more good reads!

The Perk They Could Never Promise

When travel nursing recruiters begin to recite the list of perks associated with traveling there is one they can't offer - it's one that is far more valuable than many of the standard perks. It's a perk that didn't factor into my initial decision to travel - or to do so in Tennessee for now. One of the best perks that I've been able to enjoy is being able to meet someone I've known for five years or more but have yet to see her face-t0-face - until February 17th.

Starting out in the pre-dawn hours so that I could arrive mid-morning, I was filled with anticipation of the visit. Heading out of Kingsport, I was in awe of the sunrise that was unfolding in front of me. So much so that I had to stop to capture it. It was, I decided, a glimpse at the beauty to come during the weekend I was about to share with Mary Jo.

As I neared the end of my four hour drive to Virginia, I was amazed to find that Mother Nature had duplicated a scene that I had seen far too many times in the past few years down in Hurricane Alley. The area had been hit with a powerful snow and ice storm just days before. As I drove along the Interstate, I noticed that trees and roadside cliffs had been spared any sign of damage on their southern facing sides. But the northern facing sides of the trees were clad in thick ice causing the trees to bend and in some cases snap under the weight. The once sturdy trees were now listing to one side - bent over from the impact of the wind and the weight of the ice. This image was the cold version of what the wind and salt water of hurricanes do to trees in its path.

With Valentine's Day ice still coating the fields and roadsides of the Interstate I felt as though I had truly entered a winter wonderland. Afterall, wasn't it only a blog post or two ago that I said I was waiting to experience 'real winter' here in Tennessee? Well... I found it first in Virginia and then in Tennessee upon my return. (The ride back was not a pleasant and sunny one; windy conditions and snow blowing sideways made for a much more difficult drive at the end of the visit)

Mary Jo and I have shared stories for several years now. We write our stories every month and post them to the Story Circle Network's Internet Chapter e-circle #5. There is even a story about this small weeping willow tree planted on Mary Jo's property. Fifty or sixty stories later, we felt as though we knew one another quite well... So well that upon arrival, we immediately struck up a conversation as if we'd talked just a few minutes ago. We spent the weekend telling new stories, elaborating on the stories we posted to the circle in the past, encouraging one another to "write that book" and reveling in the incredible comfort of being with someone who shares common threads in life.

The weekend visit was one to be savored for days and weeks to come. And that is just what I have been doing for a little over a week now. For much of that time, I have gazed at the photos I snapped and recalled the wonder of the visit and the artisitic footnotes of Mother Nature. But now, it is time to share the visit and the photos with my other readers... And go back to the challenge to "write that book" !

You CAN Go Home Again!

They say "you can't go home again" but what do "they" know? This past weekend proved that not only can I go home, but I can have fun doing so! The trick, I've discovered, is to know when to leave again.

I didn't recall any of the people my mother was sure I did remember! "Oh surely you remember so-&-so! They went to school with you" She must have said that - or something quite similar to that - a dozen times at least this weekend! And the truth of the matter is that I don't ... remember that is... No matter how hard I try.

But, what I did remember were places from my childhood days. The names and faces of people have faded from my memory long ago but some of the places are etched in my memory forever. Even as I drove into town on Friday evening I knew that I was "sort of lost but not really" -- I say that because I wasn't sure how to get from where I was to my parents' house (which is not the home I grew up in). But, I did know that I knew where I was. The intersections looked the same. The storefronts have changed ownership but I recognized them as being a 5-&-dime store or a bakery or the old post office... all places that live large in my memory.

Even though it is no longer an operational bakery, as I drove over the bridge beside the old red brick building, I could smell the essence of freshly baking bread. And more than that, without even closing my eyes, I could see a younger version of myself walking across that bridge with a younger version of my mother. You see, my Gramm lived above the old post office (also no longer operational) just around the corner from the bakery. I could have walked that route with my eyes closed even now, after all these years.

Driving down the main street of the town I called home as a child, I was amazed to see just how many places still look the same. Some are in various states of disrepair while others have taken on new personalities to fit their new owners. But there were more than a few that allowed me to take a mental stroll back in time. Childhood laughter and carefree days live along those sidewalks whose cracks boast the fact that they've been there a very long time. If only in the memory of those who, like me, return not often enough to still feel at home and yet often enough to always feel as if we have come home.

Nothing conjured up memories as much as the drive my parents and I took on Saturday afternoon. Driving into the New Cumberland Borough Park was a profoundly moving experience. If I closed my eyes tight enough perhaps we'd be driving in the old black Ford sedan instead of the sleek new Impala Daddy now drives. And, in closing my eyes, maybe I'd be joined there in the back seat by three other kids who each knew that the one next to them had crossed the imaginary lines that helped to create the seating pattern of four to a seat.

Daddy was going to just drive around the park to show me the improvements that have been made to the place. But, it only took one request from me and he parked the car and we got out.

Standing next to the old dam that I feared so terribly as a child, I was awestruck at the wonders of Mother Nature. As a child, I only saw the river and its dam as a place of foreboding and danger. As an adult, I saw a river partially frozen - intricate ice patterns occasionally broken up by narrow trickles of water.

In the quiet of the afternoon, I expected to hear the water's roar as it plunged over the side of the dam. But, instead, there was a delicate sound of falling water. At first I wasn't sure why the water seemed so much more gentle than it had as a child. Perhaps, I thought it was all in the perception of things. But, when I got to the dam's edge, I realized why the sound was not nearly as powerful as I had remembered: Three quarters of the dam was covered in a thick blanket of ice -- gallons and gallons of water that had attempted to come rushing over the falls had, instead, become frozen in time. At the far opposite end of the dam there was a small portion of the river that still flowed over the dam and out into the larger Susquehanna River. But there in the Borough Park, most of the dam offered me an exquisite site - one too beautiful for words (too beautiful and impressive for pictures. But I did find it necessary to try to capture the image).

As I stood by that dam and its frozen waterfall, I realized that I could, indeed go home again...I could have some new experiences. I could relive some childhood memories. I could bask in the warmth of family love. And I could find new fodder for my writing -- new from the old... new from the amazing influence 'place' has on us.

Yes, I can go home again. But, I also can leave with a renewed appreciation for what once was, what is and what can be - both in my hometown and in my writings from the heart.

Finding Warmth

This past weekend was to have been a weekend shared with my sweet Caleb...
But, alas, this was not to happen. I had a message waiting for me on Thursday - his step-mom called to say that he was being kept home because he hadn't behaved well during the week. To say that I was disappointed would be a huge understatement. To admit that I spent hours crying about the lost opportunity and sobbing about the aching hole in my heart that is Caleb's absence from my life these days... well, that would be more like it.

Not sure what to do with a three day weekend that had succombed to that age old "best laid plans" theory, Friday morning found me just as melancholy as I had been on Thursday evening. Feeling more than a little out of sorts about the whole thing, it was difficult for me to see past this change in plans. But, bless her heart, my daughter Mandy had just the right solution to my now empty three day weekend.

By 10:30 a.m. I found myself on I-81 heading north - North to Pennsylvania. North to visit my parents, sister and sister's family. I had been meaning to get around to doing just that for some time now. Mandy knew that. "Mom, why don't you just do it!" she suggested, sounding very much like a Nike commercial. And so, "do it" I did! And I am so very glad!

The drive from here to there is a full 8 hours of driving but it is all on I-81 so it is not a difficult trip. Just a lonely one to make all by one's self. But, I did it. The queen of planning ahead did something impromptu! A rather big impromptu undertaking!

In Pennsylvania, I found winter - the kind of winter that I am still awaiting here in Tennessee. Snow and ice on sidewalk edges. Grass peeking through the bits of white on the ground. Stingingly cold days and howling winds at night... But, amid all of the cold that is winter, I found warmth like none I'd experienced in a long time... the warmth of family.

It had been about 10 months since I last saw my parents and two years since Lisa and I were together last. Her very active five children were very excited to visit with Aunt Lee. Aunt Lee was very excited to visit with them too!

Without my knowing it, Lisa called my oldest brother, Thom (three years younger than I) and invited him to drive up from New Jersey while I was there. He was only too willing to oblige. It had been, afterall, 23 years since he and I had seen one another!! We've talked on the phone and visited with the help of e-mails but to actually SEE one another, it had been a very long time -- too long.

The time spent with Thom, Lisa and her family, and my parents was probably one of the best weekends I have had in quite some time. Conversation around a kitchen table never felt so welcomed ... so warm. Hugs never felt so sincere between us. The gift of family is indeed a precious one. In my family's home, I found warmth in winter -- enough warmth to carry me back to Tennessee with less of a heart ache for the lost time with Caleb and much joy for time spent with others in my family.



Mom, Daddy and Me (in the middle)
02-11-2007
Camp Hill, Pennsylvania

Music in Black & White

When I moved from Florida, I swore I'd never leave my music behind. But in the end, I had to leave my sound system and the hundreds of CD's that shuffled their way through my life on a daily basis. We just ran out of room in the car...it was take the sound system or take the cats... Guess I don't need to tell you which won, do I?

I thought I'd be okay without it. I had a handful of CD's in the car and a small alarm clock with a CD player on it. But, it just wasn't the same as hitting the "ON" button and having a day of endless music. Tim and Mandy both offered to pack up the system and the CD's but I was afraid they'd be broken or lost in transit so I declined. (All the while pining away for "my music")

Since moving here in September, Tim has only been up to visit a couple of times. He was here shortly before Thanksgiving and then again in January. Christmas came and went with not so much as a card let alone a gift - but that has been par for the course from him in the past few years so I was not surprised... Alright, I admit I was more than a little disappointed.

But, little did I know that he was bringing a surprise with him on the January visit. That said, I'll bet you think the surprise was my sound system and CD's, don't you? Wrong! He flew this time so there was no way he could bring all that.

Not in the door more than five minutes and hurrying to open his suitcase, Tim announced he had something he wanted me to see. I never dreamed it would be a gift of any sort - and especially one that would bring such joy! Handing me a small black box and a smaller white box, he stood back and watched.

I opened the black box first and had absolutely no clue what it was... I could tell this tickled him to no end. He had me guessing and he loved every minute of it. After opening the smaller white box, I recognized it and concluded that the black box must have something to do with the contents of the white box.

He had given me the gift of music - one that I could make "mine all mine" just as those CD's in the shuffler at the condo in Naples were. The small white box held an iPod (not that I had ever given one more than a passing glance). The black box was, in fact, a sound system for the iPod should one want to play it indoors. Should one want to play it indoors? Of course one (well, THIS ONE) wants to play it indoors!

And so, after more than four months without 'my music' I am finally able to enjoy it once again. Using the iPod gift card that was tucked in the black box, I have loaded many selections onto this amazing little gizmo that packs a wallop of a stereo sound. My days and nights are filled with 'my music' - the music that relaxes me, the music that stirs my creative energies, the music that makes home sound like home...the music that serenades me as I write this...


.......... Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
~ Berthold Auerbach

Mandatory Overtime ?

I really am still here although the lack of recent posts might lead one to believe otherwise. I cannot believe that the holidays have gone and the first month of 2007 is history and I didn't get one single post up on the blog. And why no posts? The short answer is WORK!

Ah, yes, I know what you're thinking... "But she took this job to have more time to play/create/take care of herself and less time for work!" You'd be absolutely correct if you thought that. Somewhere between December 14th's post and last week, the bottom fell out of that safety net. Mandatory imposed overtime to the tune of 50-60 hrs per week instead of the contracted 36 per week can be a real creativity killer! It doesn't do much for the soul either.

But, now that the February schedule is in place there is no more overtime - mandatory or otherwise. There was never supposed to be in the first place. I am, afterall, not the hospital's employee but rather an employee of the travel agency who signed a contract with the hospital. The staffing issues at the hospital are not going to go away - whether I work extra or not... But, my own energies and creative desires certainly took a holiday while I was working unreasonable schedules.

So, now you all are wondering what's going on in my life... maybe...

First and foremost, I am still in Tennessee. The second 13 week contract is at the halfway mark. We know (my recruiter and I) that there is no way I am staying here any longer. And we have been trying to find a possible 'good fit' for me in Arizona... they have plenty of jobs in Arizona but not necessarily in the place that I want to be (doesn't that have a familiar ring to it?) The goal is to get as close to a little place called Green Valley as possible. That is where my dear friend and sister of the soul, AnnMarie lives and SHE is the reason I am wanting to go to Arizona in the first place. The closest city to Green Valley is Tucson. Right now, there are no openings in Tucson and the closest my recruiter can get me is 90-some miles from there.

I know all about those 90-some miles for that is the same distance I am from Caleb. It doesn't seem impossible but it isn't necessarily ideal either. I know from experience that if the work schedule gets difficult, the thought of three hours of drive time to spend a couple of hours visiting becomes more than I care to deal with. So, for now, I am keeping my eyes on Tucson and its surrounding area and hoping that my recruiter will have the perfect job for me there!

The overtime put some real kinks in time with Caleb. That is the biggest sore spot about the whole mandatory overtime fiasco. I have seen him a few times but not for the blocks of time I had hoped over the holidays, etc. Before you go getting too concerned, he and I did get to spend three wonderful days together the week before Christmas - at which time we celebrated our Christmas since I was slated to work both the Christmas Eve & Day as well as the New Year's Eve and Day shifts. And we've had some great "dates"! We would go out to a matinee and lunch or do something fun together and then I'd turn around and drive back so that I could be at work the next day.

With a "normal" work schedule in place, (does anyone really know the meaning of the word 'normal'?) I am beginning to find time and energy to do some writing and altered book art. And I have plans to pick up Caleb when he gets home from school on Friday! We are not going on a date! We are coming back to my place for the whole weekend! I can't wait!

I am still relishing the fact that I am living someplace other than the land of perpetual summer. Contrary to what my family thought, I am not freezing my **** off! And I am not hibernating! Instead, I am living each day in awe of the way Mother Nature moves with unassuming grace here in these mountains. And I am STILL waiting for it to snow!!

13 Weeks...

Believe it or not, I am at the end of the 13 week contract which set a whole new life in motion for me. In so many ways it seems as though I just started on this journey. In other ways, I have now settled into a life that fits as comfortably as a pair of worn slippers. In all ways, I am glad that I took the risk, followed my heart, and stepped out of my uncomfortable comfort zone.

The 13 weeks have flown by. What seemed like more than enough time to see and do all that I hoped to see and do here in the mountains of Tennessee now seems like hardly enough time to learn what there is to do and where to do it let alone accomplish it all.

The drill for a travel RN is that about halfway through a contract, the recruiter and the RN begin talking about what to do/ where to go next. So, back in the early part of November, "my new best friend, the recruiter Jim" and I started such a conversation. Keeping in mind that when I first investigated this whole way of living and working it seemed as though there were endless jobs here in TN, I first asked to be relocated to some place that would be closer driving distance to Caleb. Granted, 90 minutes is far better than 13 hours away as I was in Florida but still, that makes for a chunk of time I could otherwise be spending with him instead of playing musical lanes with the truckers on the interstate!

All hopes of locating to the Knoxville area were dashed when I learned that for the most part that city uses a local staffing agency to deal with short term staffing needs and travel RNs are a thing of the past there.

Next, "Recruiter Jim" and I started talking about what other states were close enough if I found a job on the border closest to TN... the best bet seemed to be a place called Franklin NC... also 90 minutes from Caleb who lives in Sevierville TN (home of Dollywood and many other attractions) So, in the midst of autumn's splendor, I took a daytrip to this place called Franklin. What a quaint little town! And so picturesque! I fell in love with it immediately. Apparently so did several other nurses and one of them got the job before my contract expired here in Kingsport.

By the time end of November rolled around, I was looking at the bleak possibility of having to return to Florida if this place didn't renew my contract. And, for the record, they had been telling me for weeks that their goal was to be "traveler free" by January 1. Reason? We travel RN's are tough on a budget! They of course offered me a job as a staff nurse but.... I am not ready to commit to that. Besides, if I were going to do that I would go to Knoxville or even Sevierville to be right near Caleb.

It was the proverbial eleventh hour when I got a call from Jim saying that the hospital here wanted to renew my contract if I was still interested in doing so. Why? The nursing shortage is alive and well (unfortunately) here in Kingsport TN just like it is in so many other places across the country. And so, I am happy to announce that I am staying in Tennessee for another 13 week contract which will end on March 17th - St Patty's Day - and since I am Irish, I guess that is the luck of the Irish indeed!

Tim and I have been in daily conversation about the prospects of what next? He still isn't ready to scale back his hours or to commit to any real change in his lifestyle or our relationship. I am not ready to go back to a place that just seemed to drain so much of my life energy from me. That all being said, a real distinct possibility has presented itself. My dear friend and sister of my soul, AnnMarie is encouraging me to take a 13 week contract in Arizona in the spring. She lives in Green Valley which is near Tucson.

My recruiter tells me that the company I am working for "has a very strong presence in New Mexico and Arizona" SO, I am going to go for it! I have begun the process of applying for a nursing license in Arizona and already have my recruiter planning ahead for springtime in Arizona.

Now, I am the first to admit that it is so NOT ME to be wanting to pick up and move hither and yon. As AnnMarie says, I am a "nester" by nature. But, I am also experiencing the freedom of a woman who is finally realizing who she is, what is important in life and how to acheive happiness. I am living life in a way I have never given myself permission to do... for me!
I have reminded myself that going to Arizona for 13 weeks means being away from Caleb for that long. But I have also reminded myself that I can always come back to the Tennessee area in the summer when he is out of school and remain here in the fall again..... unless by that time life proves that something/somewhere else is a better choice for me.

It is nice to have the freedom and flexibility to do this travel nurse thing... It is nice to know that no matter where I work I am appreciated. It is nice to come home to my kitties and the peace and quiet that I used to only long for but never get. It is nice to begin to experience life on my terms instead of everyone else's terms. Life IS good!

Should have known better

Bet my blog readers are thinking that I have vanished from the face of the earth! Ahhh! Not so!
But, I should have known better when I decided to attempt the lofty goal set by the NaNoWriMo folks.... Not that the idea of writing a novel in one month is an impossible goal to reach - for some. BUT, for someone who is in a relatively new job and new town where autumn reigns queen of Mother Nature's court..... well.... let's just say that enjoying Mother Nature's glory won out over writing that many words in one month!

The month of November was spectacular here in Kingsport. For the first time in more than 30 years, I had a pallet of reds, golds, yellows and oranges greeting me from every vantage point. And I thought I could stay away from those to write a whole novel in one month? Ha!

So, to those of you who have written to see if I met my goal (or just wondered to yourselves) the answer is a big fat NO - But, rest assured that I did not see this as a failure. Not at all.
Rather, it was yet one more learning experience in this classroom I call my life.

I learned that giving myself permission to fail to meet such a goal is not going to ruin my integrity or my motivation to be a writer. And I learned that even if I couldn't bring myself to sit and write enough during the month of November, I still developed a keen awareness of the diligence and discipline that will be necessary to finally complete that novel that has been hanging around my desk far too long.

And just for the record, I did do more than soak up the fall colors during the month of November. For the last three weeks of November, I had one family member or another here to visit. First Tim came to visit - first time in Tennessee since driving me up here in September. We had a wonderful time together. After he left, I found myself questioning the wisdom of my being here in TN and his being in FL... But then I reminded myself that if we had been in the same location in Florida, he'd be working nearly 20 hours a day/seven days a week and I'd be lonely in Florida instead of being alone in Tennessee... and there is a HUGE difference between lonely and alone. I am now wise enough to realize that and to know that I'll choose alone in a place where I am happy over lonely in a place where I am not.

Not more than two or three days after Tim left, my youngest daughter Mandy, her husband Lee and my granddaughter KelseyRose arrived (also from Florida) We spent several days together before they headed to Virginia for Thanksgiving with his family. Then, on their way back from Virginia, they stopped again for a few days. We had a fantastic time together. And it was so refreshing to spend time with "Nan's Girl." Being so far from KelseyRose is one of the big downsides to being so far from Florida. But she and I talk on the phone almost every day and that makes a huge difference for both of us.

So, alas, no novel in the month of November but lots of good times and beautiful weather. And all of that equates to a very good month indeed!

She who needs to write more...

Okay, I admit it... I am not feeling quite so crazy as I did yesterday. After spending some quality writing time at the laptop keyboard yesterday and today I have been able to log a total of 2,657 words. Now, if I can just keep up that pace ...

Oh no! I WAS feeling less crazy. But that was before I did the math! At the rate of 1,328 words per day, for 30 days, I will be at the grand total of 39,841...
Which means I will be ONLY 10, 159 words short of my goal...

SIGH !! And I thought I was on top of things here! Maybe I should add my the word count from my blogs to see if I can get closer to the 50,000?

Oh well... there will be days when I can crank out more than 1,300 words and there will, in all likelihood, be days when I can't even come close to that number. So, let the chips...um, words...fall where they may. I have thrown down the proverbial gauntlet and challenged my muse - and myself. So, back to the keyboard and the NaNoWriMo project!

What Was I Thinking?

I must be as nuts as those acorns that I wrote about in my "He's All Boy" blog note the other day! What was I thinking? What possessed me?

I guess I dared myself to try to do the NaNoWriMo challenge. For those of you who are not familiar with NaNoWriMo let me explain. November has been earmarked as the month in which writers are challenged to write an entire novel in one month - the goal being 50,000 words or more!

"You've got to be kidding me!" I thought to myself when I first read about it. But, for some reason the concept would not go away. Maybe my muse was chattering in my ear about it. For whatever reason, this morning, I went to the NaNoWriMo website and signed up to participate in the challenge.

Now, let's get one thing perfectly clear here - The challenge is to write the 50,000 words in the one month time frame - not to have a polished, ready for publication novel in hand at month's end. So, in essence, it is a challenge to have that all important first draft done -- or at least the first 50,000 words of the first draft.

So, those of you who have always encouraged me to write a book -- well, now's your chance to see me attempt to do just that. And for those of you who have thought all along that I had a few screws loose, perhaps you are right and this proves it. But perhaps you are wrong and I will prove that to you instead!

At any rate, the next 30 days will be filled with writing frenzy as I try to reach my goal -- to rise to the challenge or dare that I gave myself this morning. Not a 'bet you won't do it" but rather a "you can do it if you try" sort of dare.

Will she or won't she? Time will tell. And this blog will tell of the process and the progress so return often!

He's All Boy

Caleb and I have been enjoying time together --
Time out in the wonderful Autumn weather of the Tennessee mountains. Sometimes we go to parks, sometimes we stay right here at my apartment complex.

Last weekend was one of those weekends when we stayed close to home. But staying close to home does not mean staying IN the apartment! Especially when you are all boy - which Caleb definitely is! And, especially when the weather is so delightful and the leaves are so gorgeous.

We went on a treasure hunt of sorts... On our hunt we found acorns. I hadn't seen acorns in over 30 years - until I moved here last month. Caleb, of course, stopped to pick up as many as his little hands and pockets could hold. He apparently had not seen acorns before either because he was full of questions about these odd looking items. He was especially fascinated by the "hats" that some of them had and the fact that others were bare - and their hats were found close by.

After climbing on the jungle-gym at the apartment complex playground, we discovered a white fence that separated us from a hill that sloped down to a small creekbed and lots of trees.

Being all boy, the creek, the fence, the trees and hill were an instant invitation to try out his throwing arm. All of those acorns and "hats" were not safe in his pockets for long. "Watch this, Nan!" he exclaimed with a glint in his eye that told me he was overjoyed with the gifts of nature and the promise of a way to interact with those gifts.

Being absolutely certain that I was, indeed, watching him, slowly and deliberately Caleb began pitching those acorns over the fence and into the creek. Sometimes he heard them hit a leaf and giggled. Once in a while, a chipmunk or squirrel would scurry out from under leafy cover. And on more than one occasion, Caleb was absolutely certain that his acorn had landed in the creek. "Did you hear that splash, Nan?" (Of course I hadn't but... who am I to say that he didn't?)

Yep, he's all boy and I am "all Nan"... and he and I are a great team. We each fuel one another's love for life and nature and make the most of every opportunity we have to share that love.

End of October: last year and now

Last year's end of October found me tree-watching but for quite a different reason than this year's tree-watching activities. This is the tale of two Octobers and two sets of trees... This is a pause to remember the way things were last year at this time and to be thankful for the way things are this year as October comes to a close.

In a day or two, trick-or-treaters will be scurrying through neighborhoods all over the country. In Naples, Florida last Halloween there was no trick-or-treating. It was deemed too dangerous. Hurricane Wilma had unleashed her wrath on us. In her path she felled trees and in doing so, took out many powerlines. She also left standing water of great depths in many streets and so much storm debris that it was just not safe for people to be out on the streets after dark.

I didn't think much about Wilma this month - until I had the uncanny thought that I was spending so much time watching trees change - slowly, deliberately and beautifully... And that last year, in a matter of hours, trees had changed in not so typical ways. Last year's changes were not beautiful. They were sad and terminal. The October 2005 tree changes I saw were not yearly occurrences... they were, hopefully, once in a lifetime observations that I hope never to see again.

These are the beautiful banyan trees that have been the subject of more than one bit of my writing over the years. Their roots give the appearance of an embrace. Their aged structures offer shade under lush green canopies to passersby.
For the thirty or so years that I lived in Naples, I found them to be a romantic reminder of Mother Nature's beauty.

These palms, no longer gently swaying in the balmy gulf breezes, became the harbingers of what Wilma had in store for us - her path heading right toward Naples. Sometimes, as Wilma approached, they seemed to bow in half under the sheer force of her wind strength. This sort of tree-watching I could do without.

In the aftermath of Wilma's fury, my 30-year hometown of Naples was forever changed. This is a picture of one of the main intersections of the downtown shopping area - usually filled with tourists and traffic, hours after Wilma it was filled with gulf waters instead.

Out on a walk to inspect Wilma's impact on my neighborhood, I spied the saddest of all sights: Those gorgeous banyan trees were unable to withstand the force of Wilma's wind and fury. They were uprooted- lifted right out of the ground as if they were toothpicks instead of rootbases that stood some ten feet above ground when toppled on their sides... The incredible sadness I felt as I saw these trees is something I am still at a loss to describe.

Fast forward to end of October 2006... No longer in Naples, Florida and therefore no longer in "hurricane alley," I found myself anticipating a new (actually a very familiar and old) form of tree-watching: the much anticipated "leafing" experience that people search for in areas where autumn is season of reds, golds, and oranges.

These tree changes are a welcome sight. These, too, are the handiwork of Mother Nature. But in this case, her work is lovely to behold. A wonderful reminder of the cyclic nature of life. A gentle nudge toward the cooler temperatures and shorter days ahead.

This year, my tree-watching is breathtaking, invigorating. This year, I monitor the wind by the gentle movements of the scarecrow windsock on my back porch and the soft tunes of the windchimes. Quite a change from the way in which I observed wind in motion last year! A much preferred pasttime to say the least.

I'll take this end of October's tree watching activities over last year's anyday! Here's to Autumn in the beautiful mountains of Northeast Tennessee - a far more beautiful place than the 2005 version of Naples, Florida!

Discovery!

Today was one of those picture perfect days. Crisp autumn air, clear blue sky.
Hints of red, orange and gold everywhere I looked. It was a perfect day for a Sunday drive in the country.

Ever since I arrived here in Tennessee, I have been trying to explore a little bit on my days off. Today was no exception. Another day off ... another day of exploration. Another exploration... another discovery! That's the way it goes. You go exploring and no matter where you end up, you discover something or someplace that makes the time spent worthwhile.

Deciding to get off the interstate and take a drive in the country was a treat in and of itself. But, when I spied the little signs pointing the way to "old covered bridge" I knew that I had made my discovery for today's trip. What I didn't know at that exact moment was how that discovery would shape my thoughts all day today.

Built in 1875, the Harrisburg Covered Bridge was today's discovery.
Covered bridges are not new to me. I have many fond memories of walking or driving through them in Pennsylvania when I was young. But, today's discovery awakened a different sort of memory from deep within...

I was transported to "Bridges of Madison County" and as I stood there in awe of a structure that is over one hundred thirty years old, I couldn't help but think that in a different way, I was much like Francesca from "Bridges". Oh, I am not having an affair with a Clint Eastwood type photographer. But I am having an affair - an affair of the heart and soul. An affair with my very core.

This move to Tennessee has opened the flood gates. My curiosity is piqued. My senses are in a heightened state of awareness. The wonders of Mother Nature bring joy and peace. The more time I spend in the outdoors, exploring and discovering, the more I realize that I am finding the person I thought I lost a long time ago. I like her! I like her a lot!


And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before.
-- Francesca from "Bridges of Madison County"

What a difference a week makes!

Last week I went to Bays Mountain Park in search of signs of fall. The signs were there but they were subtle and relatively few and far between. As I walked along the nature trail and the lake I could see hints of autumn colors in the trees - mostly from a distance. And as I sat on one of the benches, I spied an occasional leaf on the ground.
I snapped these two brightly colored fallen leaves to document my first glimpse of Tennessee fall...

Fast forward to a week or so later. Now the signs of fall are much more prominent. Even here in the valley I can see Mother Nature's artwork coming to life. And, from a distance there are more than a few colorful trees to admire.

Today it really felt like fall! Actually it was one of those "Winnie the Pooh Blustery Days" The wind was brisk and chilly. And, as I made my way down the nature trail (again at Bays Mountain) I found myself thinking "My goodness! It's raining leaves!" They were drifting down from the highest branches and any little gust of wind caused the ones on the ground to swirl and dance playfully at my feet.

Sitting on the exact same bench along the trail I looked down and couldn't help but snap this picture to document that in a week's time, so much has changed! Where once there was a lone leaf and lots of bare ground it is now impossible to see the path for all of the leaves!

The crisp air, the fall leaves, the quiet of the mountain forest... a perfect setting to sit quietly and savor the moment. I am here in the midst of autumn's splendor for the first time in 30 years. This is exactly what I have longed for - it is the root of that "homesick" feeling that I have been trying to describe to people for the past few years. Today's jaunt to the mountain has reinforced what I have already figured out - my heart has come home and my soul has found peace.

My Hero

The following is a draft of a newspaper article - shared with me by my "son" (Daniel) Todd Madden. He grew up right in front of my eyes. He called me "mom" from middle school on. He dated and eventually married one of my daughters.

Back in those innocent days, belonging to JROTC was a way to learn citizenship, get pre-military training, and receive a headstart on what most thought would be a stint in the military to see the world and get a good education. When I saw Todd in his JROTC uniform, I was so proud of him. Never did I dream that in a few years he would be in the midst of a war. But the minute the events of 9-11 began to unfold, I knew otherwise. My heart sank when I realized that not only had our nation been attacked, but my "son" and many other sons and daughters would be sent to war.

As a member of Special Ops, it is rare that he is able to say where he is going or even when. Usually I get emails saying "My services are requested so if you don't hear from me for a while, don't worry." Don't worry! Right! How's a mom to NOT worry when she has no way to contact him and she reads and hears of the events in Afghanistan and/or Iraq?

When the plans to move to Tennessee were falling into place, one of the bonuses - I thought - was that now I was going to be living in the same state as my precious grandson Caleb and my "son" Todd. We would be able to visit often - a treat that I have rarely been able to enjoy in the past several years. But, alas, Todd (Daniel to the ARMY) was deployed within the first week of my being here in Tennessee. So now, we look forward to his homecoming so that I can welcome him with open arms and tell him to his face (instead of in letters and emails) just how proud I am of him - and how much I love him.

I'd like to give credit to the person who wrote this draft but unfortunately, when Todd sent it to me this is all I got.... Please read the following draft and see why I am so proud of this young man... And please remember him and all of our uniformed men and women in your prayers.


A private plane traveled from Hamilton , Ohio , to Clarksville , Tennessee , to meet a Fort Campbell Soldier at Outlaw Airfield on Saturday. Passers-by probably thought the pilots and waiting Soldier were good friends or family. In fact, it was the first time they met in person.

Joseph Secrist, an Army veteran from Hamilton , coordinated the flight to make a special presentation to Staff Sgt. Daniel Madden, a Night Stalker assigned to 2nd Battalion, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne) (SOAR (A)) at Fort Campbell , Ky. There was no fanfare, no audience, no speech and no round of applause. It was a personal thank you from one veteran to another.

Secrist presented a small token of appreciation to Madden for his service in the Global War on Terrorism: a replica of a SOAR(A) Chinook helicopter that was shot down in the Battle of Takur Ghar during Operation Anaconda in support of Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan . Madden was a 160th crew member during that mission in which seven special operations forces were killed in action.

Though Secrist did not know Madden personally, he believes that every man and woman that serves our country deserves a thank you and recognition for their service and sacrifice. Building replicas of military aircraft representative of a military operation and presenting the models to veterans is Secrists' own personal way of showing his gratitude.

"I want to do more than a handshake and a thank you for veterans who fought for my freedom," said Secrist. "I also assume the responsibility to preserve and perpetuate individual contributions to aviation history."

His idea for recognizing veterans began after a chance meeting with a World War II veteran. "I was thinking about a color scheme for a B-24J (model airplane) and met Albert Oncidi who mentioned he was a B-24 pilot and flew a mission to the famous Ploesti Oil Refinery in Romania, one of the most daring and costliest raids of World War II," said Secrist. "I presented my first model to Albert in 1991 to preserve and perpetuate his story."

Secrist is not alone in his "crusade" to honor veterans. "Mr. A. Moore built a model of a second (SOAR) aircraft on Takur Ghar as a tribute to its crew," he said. "( Moore ) sent Dan photos of his model and enlisted me to shake Dan's hand on his behalf."

"I'm extremely appreciative that someone I have never met feels strongly enough about our Soldiers' sacrifices to spend so much time on such a precious gift," said Madden. "At the same time, I don't feel I did anything remotely good enough to deserve such a token."

Secrist said words can hardly describe what it means to recognize a veteran for their service to our nation. "It is an honor and a privilege to do this for veterans and I take it very seriously," he explained.

Madden's model is Secrist's first commemorating today's generation of veterans. After completing projects already in progress, Secrist hopes to find a female pilot or air crew to honor next. "My collection would not be fair or accurate without representing the courage and sacrifice of women in uniform," he said.

Working hard for accuracy, Secrist invests hundreds of hours into researching, building and modifying a single model. "Dan's nooks were modified with a false roof made of paper, balsa and wire ribs. I also made ammo boxes for the guns and made the aft cargo door retractable into the cargo ramp."

Since 1991, Secrist has completed and presented six models representing two pilots, two flight engineers and gunners, one boomer and one tail gunner representing snapshots of history from World War II , Vietnam and now Operation Enduring Freedom. When possible, Secrist builds two models of the aircraft, one for the veteran and one for his collection. He keeps a framed photo and caption of the veteran holding their model, a reminder of each Soldier's story.

Madden plans to display the model aircraft in his living room next to his Broken Wing Award, which he was presented for his actions on Takur Ghar when his aircraft was shot down by enemy fire. Though Madden feels he does not deserve recognition for his participation in the events at Takur Ghar, he believes the model aircraft is a reminder that people remember and appreciate the sacrifices service members make in the line of duty.


'There are a lot of things that (special operations forces) do that so few will ever know about," said Madden. "It is heartfelt to me that the memory of our fallen comrades from that night will be remembered."

Secrist hopes when Madden sees the model it will elicit thoughts of pride, accomplishment and a reminder that someone cares and had the foresight to preserve his history for future generations.

If you have a Soldier in mind for Secrist to recognize, he has a few simple requirements. First is that he meets the veteran in person. He said it is critical to have photographs of the aircraft for reference and the Soldier should be prepared for him to pick his or her brain for details on their combat experience. Every model Secrist makes is tailored to tell the Soldier's story that goes with it.

There is no cost for the models, said Secrist. "Their account was paid in full when they fought for my - our - freedom," he said. "In fact, I still owe them."

Joseph Secrist can be reached by e-mail at Tuskegee@fuse.net.

Everywhere I turn - another reason to smile

I've been smiling alot the past couple of weeks. I know this because the surgery that I had two years ago for malignant melanoma left a nerve and muscle deficit on the left side of my face and sometimes when I smile or laugh, the left side of my mouth gets "stuck" in an upturned spot until I physically coax it to relax. I've had my hand up to that left side of my mouth more in the past two weeks than I did in the entire two years since the surgery! Seems that everywhere I turn there's another reason to smile.

Even if my mouth didn't sometimes get "stuck" I'd know I was smiling more these days. Did you ever notice that when you smile your whole body seems lighter and your heart feels weightless? Next time you find yourself smiling, stop and listen to your heart's song. It is lighter, happier, more easy-going.

So what am I smiling about? A field of blackeyed susans for one. There I was, driving along a narrow, winding road lined with freshly mowed fields. All of a sudden, there they were, these lovely flowers greeting all who drove by.

People here in Tennessee have been decorating for the fall season. There were pumpkins and scarecrows everywhere I looked. I smiled because I love fall. I smiled because even if you did decorate in Florida, it never felt like fall so it somehow lost some of its appeal but here it is genuinely refreshing.

Driving a little farther down this winding road, I happened upon an old farmhouse. As I found myself wondering about the stories this farmhouse could tell if only it could talk, I spied several goats grazing in the side yard. And I smiled. They reminded me of the goat that lived in my Gramm's neighborhood when I was small. We would take a walk along the railroad tracks behind her house. At the end of the path, the last yard was home to "Fragrance" the goat. She loved Dentyne gum but even more than the gum, she loved the wrapper from Gramm's Dentyne!

A few miles down the road, I started up an incline. Now, having driven in Florida (spelled f-l-a-t) for nearly thirty years, I had forgotten about the steep inclines and the surprises that might be lurking at the top of the incline. As I approached the top of the incline, I couldn't see what was to come. But pretty soon, I was coasting down the road at a speed that made my stomach drop to my toes. And I smiled. Not because I necessarily like that feeling, but because it caused me to remember the Sunday afternoon rides that we would take as a family. Daddy would be sure to drive down country roads, through covered bridges and up and down the hills 'til we had enough "roller coaster effect" to last 'til the next time.

Stopping at a local farmer's market along the way I discovered the small town appeal and homegrown element that has been missing back in Naples, Florida for so long. Vendors with their homemade jams, pastries, and breads encourage sampling. Fresh produce never looked so good. Cardboard signs boast "best local 'taters" and other homegrown fruits and veggies. The locals are charming, friendly and welcoming. Smiles abound at the farmer's market - mine included!

On the way back from my country drive, I began to notice that here in the valley there is an occasional blush of autumn's colors but nothing that one would call spectacular - yet. And I smiled. I smiled because seeing those first blushing leaves I know that the fall season is on its way.

At the end of my country drive I smiled because I had just spent a delightful day exploring and experiencing my new surroundings. I smiled because I had been given so many reasons to smile that day. I smiled because I realized that I am genuinely happy and relaxed. And I smiled because I felt good and when you feel good it is just natural to smile!

You are my sunshine...

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"

This handsome little guy is my sunshine! Caleb and I spent the day together this past Sunday. Caleb has always loved Autumn -- wonder who he gets that from? As we strolled down the street in Pigeon Forge he asked if we could get a scarecrow to put in his front yard. Some years it's been the pumpkins; other years it was the black cats. This year it's a scarecrow. No matter what catches his fancy in any particular fall season, he always has "Fall Fever" just like his "Nan."

We never did find an appropriate scarecrow to buy but we did find this adorable one to use in our Kodak Moment. He (the scarecrow, not Caleb) was a very willing participant in the photo shoot. Caleb was thrilled to be able to have his picture taken with the smiling fella in blue.

My project this week is to get/make a scarecrow for him. I am happy to try to honor his request. Anything that makes him smile is worth any and all effort. You see, his smiles are like sunshine to me. They radiate their way right into my soul.

Sitting on a haystack - next to a scarecrow - and in the midst of sunflowers, Caleb is sunshine personified. And now that I am living in Tennessee I am once again close to my sunshine which means there are an untold number of sunshine days ahead!

Alive & Well in Tennessee!

Bet you thought I got lost once I left my thirty year home of Naples, Florida! Actually I was lost - but it was a different sort of lost... I was lost to the world of cyber space. Not lost IN space - more like lost WITHOUT it!

The trip to Tennessee was relatively uneventful. Even travel with two kitties proved to be a breeze (after one of them meowed herself into a state of being hoarse).

Securing internet access was not such a breeze! Over the course of two weeks I had three service calls and two modems and still no consistent access. The wonderful world of technology is ONLY wonderful IF and WHEN it works well! At last, one very nice young man from the cable company decided that perhaps the problem was not in my apartment or my modem, but rather out on the pole and the external lines. Sure enough! An adapter that had signs of burn on it... The nasty culprit has been replaced and now I am reconnected with my cyber world!

So, stay tuned for some posts to catch everyone up on the goings on here in Tennessee as I ease into my new life. I have lots to share!