Choo-choo me home...

Just like the people standing on Lookout Mountain in TN, I have been standing on the spot that allows me to look out and see new horizons in all directions. They say that from atop Lookout Mountain a person can see seven states. I hope to one day soon be able to write an entry for this blog that will attest to that fact - and showcase a few of my own images from what I imagine to be a most spiritual spot on this earth.

But for now, I have been passing my days looking out from my own pinnacle - waiting for the moment when I know that my views are no longer dreams but realities. In every direction, I see signs that the plan to move to TN is the right plan. In my dreams I see the seasons changing and the creativity abounding. In my most precious dreams - the ones I savor each day and wish to relive each night, I see Caleb and I exploring the place I plan to call home soon. Today, some of the dreaming can come to a halt and real life can take over... I have been waiting for an all-important piece of mail that will give me the signal to put all those dreams and hopes into actions NOW!

The envelope arrived today! The prize that I have been waiting for! Opening that envelope was better than being told I'd won the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes! Its contents are more precious to me than a million dollar prize...

It's official. I am now the proud recipient of a Tennessee Board of Nursing Permit allowing me to practice as an RN in Tennessee! YES!!

When I saw the return address on the ordinary business envelope I found myself holding my breath. After so many starts and stops and "hurry up and wait" sessions, I fully expected to find yet one more bit of unfinished business that I needed to attend to before they could consider granting me the permit.

For a moment, as I slowly opened the envelope, a mix of emotions surged through my veins. The emotions were not totally unfamiliar - they were just ones that I hadn't experienced in a very long time - over 30 years to be exact. Once I had the envelope open and the contents were in my hand, I realized that I was reliving the same feelings I had the day my first nursing license arrived. The day I officially became an RN and could start to fulfill the dream that had been mine for so long.

And now, more than 30 years later, here I am, opening an envelope that holds the opportunity to start yet another new life that will allow me to fulfill my most passionate dream yet: The dream to live once again where there are 4seasons...the dream to live a creative life and be healthy and happy in the process...the dream to live closer to Caleb once again.

I probably stared at that permit letter for a good ten minutes or more. Carefully reading every word for a second, third and fourth time - just to be sure I really was now permitted to be an RN in Tennessee... Making sure I didn't misinterpret something. But, sure enough - No catches this time. I am "IN"!

Now I can work at securing a job and a new address - one that will have me seeing the turning leaves of autumn and the first winter snowfall I've experienced in a terribly long long time.

As I flitted around the house - and that is what it was - flitting! I don't remember feeling this light and care-free in quite some time...
As I flitted around the house, a tune started running through my head. I can't shake it... "Pardon me boy, is that the Chattanooga Choo-Choo?"

Now, I don't intend to get to Tennessee by train... and at this point, there is no telling which town or city I will call home next - perhaps Chattanooga, perhaps somewhere else in Tennessee... but for now, I close my eyes and I see the fantasy of the Chattanooga Choo-choo springing to life in my mind's eye. I see it (me) as the little engine that could. I see it (me) crossing through the same area where families fought for opposing sides in the Civil War. I see it (me) winning the battles of my own sort of civil war by standing up for myself, for being who I am and not apologizing for that. I see it (me) marking progress toward the state of Tennessee by the cities and towns that dot the map between here and there... I see my "train station" - the place I will embark on a new life - as a place to shed tears of joy and to announce that I am finally home...

"Chattanooga Choo-Choo won't you choo-choo me home...."